


If You’re Feeling Suicidal, You’ve Come to the Right Place

by pixelatedWriter



Category: Danganronpa
Genre: All Stars can’t fruit, Amy Duncan is evil, And proceeds to feed his fantisies by living it with him, Angie tries to smash Atua, Attempted seriousness for a cursed game, Atua and Stuart hate each other at first but then wanna smash, Bob Duncan divorces Amy, Bob marries Bertram in the end, By Nagito, Chiaki gets a divorce, Gaby and Devin are a thing for some reason, Gordon Ramsay and Phoenix Wright make out in a bathroom stall, Half of them just got here, Help, Komaru finds Makoto’s porn, Kotoko doesn’t like that, Made for Kotokoberries, Minecraft Youtubers teach these scrubs How2Minecraft, Multi, Newbies suck at solving cases, No tomato throwing occurs in this cursed work, Ouma gets called a grape, Pheonix Wright and Gordon Ramsay lecture the teams, Ron comes in at some point, Sakura has babies, Strong Babies, Stuart is evil Atua basically, Taichi adopted everyone, Taichi wants to die, They mostly just throw tomatoes at people, she fails, they make out, unfortunately, what more do you want from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-06 03:32:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15185819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixelatedWriter/pseuds/pixelatedWriter
Summary: Please end my life





	1. Kill Yourself, and Other Fun Friendly Family Activities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kotokoberries](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Kotokoberries).



Gordon Ramsay was... disappointed, to say the least.

”....Did you-“

No he did fucking not-

Nope. Seems he did. 

“Mister Saihara... Can you please tell me why you thought THIS.”

He pointed at a perfectly fine durian. Nothing was wrong with it. It was absolutely fine.

”WAS THE FUCKING LAMBSAUCE?!”

Saihara was visibly sweating by now, nervous that he had enraged an ancient god. Gordon Ramsay is god. 

“M-Mister Ramsay I-“

”EXECUTE HIM IMMEDIATELY.”

Saihara looked terrified. Kotoko sighed, resting her chin on her hand. She had to appease him, of course. That’s her job. She isn’t stupid enough to enrage a god. She put her palm on the red buzzer before her, applying pressure, watching the boy wearing the hat get sent to his death. Sakura Ogami rose up, roaring in anger, running in to stop the execution. Hiroko pulled her back, making her watch her lover die from a giant Papi Pan falling from the sky. A chorus of “oh, worm”s came from the survivors. Sakura started crying. 

Ramsay continued his lesson. 

“So, Kaede. Tell me, what is this?”

He pointed at the durian once more. 

“I-It’s a... prickly pear?”

He fell silent for a few moments, just staring. You could feel the anger radiating from his body, the pure RAGE.

”....Miss Akamatsu.... THIS IS A FUCKING DURIAN YOU USELSS BLONDE LUMP OF GARBAGE!”

Once again, Kotoko sent off another to their death, swinging her legs as she watched the execution unfold. Yes, a beautiful piano piece that was played. Flea Waltz, was it? She enjoyed it, but not as much as she enjoyed the company of her one true love Bob Duncan. Yes, she loved and adored him, but he was married to the wicked witch Amy.

Amy is a hoe. 

She suddenly felt the urge to go get a stick to present her affections but no, that’s idiotic. Stupid. Bob Duncan could never fall for a lady with such a tactic. She knew he was of such a high class....

Ah, Bob Duncan....

Whoops, seems she got distracted. Looks like Ramsay is yelling at yet another student. It was Kyoko this time, for refusing to acknowledge that apples could be dipped in chocolate and still be delicious. However, he didn’t order her to her execution, and instead subjected her to Apple torture. She had to eat 100 chocolate-covered apples until she could participate again. 

Kyoko started crying. Ramsay shoved an apple in her mouth. After a while, he seemed these psychos a lost cause. He then went to the bathroom because he had drank all the lamb sauce. Where do you think it went?


	2. Just Kill Me

Pheonix Wright had patience, and thank god he did. How could anyone else take these under their wing? Not only was there a 30 something year old man saying something about children and incest, but a child was fapping to furry porn, one wanted the marshmallow kid from the other side to come over and fuck him, while the others was just pure chaos. 

He couldn’t even get them to focus on the practice case! He wouldn’t threaten them, god no, but he tried. 

“Uh.... Fujisaki.”

The 30-Something man snapped to attention. He pointed at the board. 

“What’s wrong with this crime scene?”

It took him a few minutes before correctly identifying it. The same went went the grape boy and incest child. 

Howeber, he came really close to killing someone when all Seiko said as an answer was

“HI AND WELCOME TO CHILI’S!”

He instead threw a croc at her, thinking it would be nice and innocent. Nope. She burst into flames, and she started screaming. One of the others whispered under their breath,

”The curse of Reserve Hell is back...”

She kept burning until she disappeared. Not that far away, in another home, where a man named the LEGENDARY BOB DUNCAN resided, a small jail cell popped up. He inversigated it, intrigued. Then, the evil Amy appeared. She tried to make him have kinky sex with her in the cage. He refused. She got mad. All of a sudden, Seiko popped up in the cell, by on fire anymore. A sign that read “gay baby jail” appeared. Amy started gushing over it but then said she wouldn’t have enough times to do chores if they kept her. 

Bob called up a butler company and hired their best butler. 

Bertram was contacted. Whoa. A new job in a new house. He didn’t have to watch those bratty kids anymore! He did a small happy dance before leaving for his new job.

Meanwhile, Phoenix Wright was crying because Jesus CHRIST these kids suck. He left for the bathroom to cry his woes away. 

And that’s where the romance of a lifetime began. 


	3. The Moment You All’ve Been Waiting For

Gordon Ramsay and Phoenix Wright made eye contact in the bathroom. It was love at first sight. 

“Ah... Hello,”

Pheonix said rather timidly. Gordon blushed. No, wait, he’s dating Guy Fieri! He can’t....

Forget Guy. This man is beautiful anyways. He stepped towards him, holding out his hand.

”....I’m Gordon Ramsay. Who are you?”

”....Phoenix Wright.... I think this is crazy but..... Are you my soulmate?”

Gordon only nodded. Holy fuck this dude was a beaut. He kissed him and they started making out. Sinful. Scandalous. They make out anyways and probably fuck each other in the bathroom. 

Tl;dr Phoenix Wright is a bottom 2k18.

 

Gaby looked up from her phone, over at Devin. She was slightly regretting having this challenge happen, but at the same time, she loved these cursed artworks. 

“...Dev, we are sinners.”

Devin nodded.

”But we’re each other’s sinners.”

Gaby slapped him.

”Can it. You know we’re only in a relationship in this fic to sate the relationship tag in author-chan’s fan fiction.”

Devin shrugged. He kissed her forehead.

”Do you think relationship tag is sated now?”

He asked. Gaby nodded. Then they started to slap and fight. Fuck you I don’t ship irl people.

lol that’s a lie. 

Anyways, the rest of the cast was left unattended. Before they could pull any stupid shit, Kotoko pulled out a gun and shot Tenko in the head. Boom, headshot. 

“Yo, fuckers guess what.”

No one spoke up. She waved the gun, causing Junko to shout “,

”WHAT IS IT YOU SMOL DEMON.”

”Lol Thanks Junko-Chan. Anyways, y’all noobs gonna learn how2minecraft with the pros. Good luck.”

Then, four minecrafters, four more gods walked in.


	4. God Has Joined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minecraft bois

They were here. They were glorious. 

The Minecraft YouTubers. SkyDoesMinecraft, in all his buddery glory. BajanCanadian with his sexy Bacca JeromeASF with the even more sexy axe. Then there was Woofless. He doesn’t have a job. Fucking Rob.

Anyways, they’re sexy as fuck. The Minecraft YouTubers pull out those fucking sexy pickaxes and show these fuckers how to Minecraft. Nagayto dies from having such a hard orgasm from this shit. Before he died he called Ouma a Grape like he does in bed. 

Ouma also died from an orgasm from this sexy as fuck display. 

Taichi started to cry. 

Naegi covered Taichi’s eyes with one hand, reading his porn with the other. Komaru saw his porn and began to have naughty thoughts about her brother. Damn. Incest. 

Woofless fucked up after like two minutes and immediately got shot by Kotoko.

”Begone, thot,”

She said, watching him die. Mitch called Mitch time for a time out and everyone mourned the death of a god. Then the Minecraft YouTubers ascended into heaven with the dead body of one of the sexy minecrafters. 

Everyone was crying. Junko was drooling BC lol despair. Hiroko was smoking 69 cigarettes and Kirumi just said

”Nice.”

 

Meanwhile, Amy Duncan was trying to force Bob to have kinky sexs with her again. He doesn’t like. SHSL Butler man hears this abuse from downstairs and decided to stop it. He walked in and said,

”Thot, I think not.”

he glared at Amy and Amy glared at him. Bob left the room and casually went to get divorce papers. Seiko stares at Bob from gay baby jail.

”Plz help.”

”I can’t. Amy will abuse me.”

”If you help me I’ll kill her.”

The offer was tempting. He accepted. He opened her cage and she told him,

”Tonight she dies.”

Bob will finally be free. He went back to his bedroom and-

OH NO MR BUTLER MAN WAS BEING ABUSED BY WIFE!

He punched his wife.

”Stop it.”

She huffed.

”Then have the kinky sex with me.”

”No. I want a divorce.”

”YOU CANNOT DIVORCE ME!!”

”Lol too late thot.”

He walked out of room with Mr Butler man and...

TO BE CONTINUED!??,!?!( :0000


	5. GIVE BIRTH!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why.

Sakura was getting big. Everyone thought it was because she voted Succi’s corpse. No. It’s because they did a sin and now Sakura is gonna GIVE BI R TH.

oh boy

here he come

the baby

GIVE BIRTH!

Out come the baby. It is a strong baby. It is qQUIUS ZAHHAK FROM HAMSTEAK!!!! HE BOOMED,

”MOTHER FEED ME THY MILK.”

HE FORCEFULLY S U C C STRONGK MILK. 

STRONG MOTHER AND CHILD. 

ALL TREMBLE BEFORE THEM.

A GOD HAS BEEN B O R N.


	6. Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Why is there a pink loli? Why is she drooling over thicc daddy Bob?

”So I heard u be divorcing your wife. Marry me lol.”

”No.”

Pink loli looked offended.

”EXCUSE????”

He turned towards sexy Butler man and they made sweet love in front of pink loli, scarring her for life as Seiko snuck up and murdered Amy. Lol. 

 

Taichi deepthroated a gun and went to pull the trigger. Children stopped him. Please let him die. He doesn’t wish to be in this. 

 

Atua was talkin with Angie. Angie was sucking Atua’s dick BC uh. 

Worshipping. 

Suddenly Stuart is there.

”Ew dude wtf.”

”Stuart leave.”

”Lol no.”

Stuart and Atua start fighting until Angie chokes on Atua’s Dick. Stuart is impressed. He wants the D now. 

He shoved Angie away and started riding that d. Now Stuart is Atua’s bitch. Angie doesn’t like this but it’s too late. Her man was stolen. She never even got to smash. Smh.

 

Meanwhile, Gordon was still fucgking Phoenix Wright in the bathroom. It has been 4 hours 20 minutes. (nice.) The cast is getting worried. They would go to find them but they have a feeling they would see shit they don’t wanna see. 

They dont look for them. 


	7. Incest is Wincest Aka Makoto and Komaru Have Sexs BC Komaru Found Makoto’s Smelly Porn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s almost done  
> Also like  
> I’m probably gonna go into detail for this  
> Someone please shoot me through the skull.

Komaru has read all of Makoto’s filthy porn and ever since then she couldn’t help but think of fucking her brother. What’s up with the fanfic and everyone fucking? Probably to appease Devin and Gaby.

Anyways, she stripped and laid down on Makoto’s bed. She is waiting for the good sex. Oh wow. Here he is now. At first he’s confused but then realizes what’s going on. Damn. 

He likes this >:3

He, too, strips and then begins to bang his sister. She starts to scream BC like idk sex is sex man. 

Then cummies happen so like

Wow they didn’t use protection. That’s gonna be one fucked up baby. Then, all of a sudden, Chalk walked in and saw her husband laying next to his freshly-fucked sister. She feels sickened and cheated on so she’s all like: I WANT A DIVORCE!!1!1!1 and Naegi is all like: K I don’t need u anymore I gots my sister and Chalk cries and they get divorced gn.


	8. Taichi Fucking Dies

Taichi looks at this chaos he caused. He apologizes to his children before shooting himself through the fucking skull. 

Taichi is dead. This is over. 

 

Author-Sama wants to fucking die gn.

 

 

 

TE ENDZ


End file.
